a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
