I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
