uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
