how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
