What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
