brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
