38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
