The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
