I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
