Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
