I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
