Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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