She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
