I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
