well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
