just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
