I want to stick my p in your. b.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
