More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
