woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
