The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
