I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
