i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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