I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
