By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
