I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
