Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize