you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
