3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
