batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
