What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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