he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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