But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
