Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
