mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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