im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
