Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize