Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
