i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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