I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
