3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
