i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize