woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
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Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
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I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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