We won't sleep together?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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