Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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