sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
