the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
