Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
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