textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
