last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
