We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
