I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
