Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Randomize
