I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
it's like iHOP with fire
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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