don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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