May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize