i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
