i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
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Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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