I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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