Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize