i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
