How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
