marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
