ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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