**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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