O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
