3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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